5 Contemporary Parenting Myths Busted | Regarding Technology And Media
Dear concerned and loving parents:
This article is about my oldest son. He is now an adult but I wrote this when he was only 12. It's fair to say that I'm super proud of him and I have been exposing him, from a very early age, to technology and new ways of media. That has given me the opportunity to test my hypothesis on how opening our children to the world through technology (and common sense) can only bring benefits to them.
The profound fears about how TV, video games, social media and mobile phones can ruin a child's creativity, social skills, intellect, mental and physical health, and overall life are simply NOT true. Here is is why: My son has lived a pretty standard life; even though his mom and I are divorced and we are living in a different country, he has been attending school, making friends, visiting his extended family a couple times a year and of cours having his fair share of extracurricular activities such as Karate, Gymnastics, Ballet, Swimming lessons, Chess Lessons, etc. Lately he has gotten into Musical Theater, but over all, you can say he is a normal kid of our times right?. The fact of the matter is that when he was 5, and living with his mom, I felt the need to maintain our regular communication habits (even though he was not living with me full time), so I decided to give him his first cell phone. Yes, he got his first cell phone when he was 5!. But this was not the first connected apparatus that he got! 6 months earlier, when he was 4, I gave him a Nintendo DS!.
My son basically has been hard wired for more than 2/3ds of his life. As a responsible father, I have always been vigilant over his use of such technologies. But most of all, every time he got a new connected device I sat with him and explained how he could take advantage of it!. How the phone would keep us closer and may help to keep him safe!. Basically, each time, I took it as an opportunity to show him the right use and the risks involved in having this new power. Also I vividly remember how he was still in preschool and his lovely English teachers told us to help him with his spelling. What did I do? I ran to the video game store and bought him a Sesame Street basic spelling game. What happened? He got glued to that game for the next 2 weeks. I have to confess that after those 2 weeks he lost interest. But magically his spelling improved dramatically. There was absolutely no way we could have put the amount of hours of spelling support that he put himself through that amazing game. That was my Eureka moment.
His mom was reluctant that I would give a 4 year old a Nintendo DS, but after this, he was open and I was obsessed with how to show my son ways to improve his life through the tech he was exposed to.
The cell phone was a whole different thing; I remember countless nights when I would call his before sleeping and tell him a story. Stories that I used to tell him in person when we still lived together. We would laugh and he would go to sleep feeling safe and loved. Also, I found that his mere knowledge of being able to contact me at any time from his personal phone helped his a lot with the natural separation anxiety he was living with. (Of course there is a catch: You have to actually answer and make yourself available!).
Since then, my son has enjoyed 2 Nintendo Wiis, an iPod Touch, a Nintendo Wii Ü and a Switch (where of course he plays Fortnite). He also played extensively with my I-pad and today he has a refurbished iPhone 6, a Nikon COOLPIX A900 (his latest gadget) and a personal family partition of my 2T I-Cloud Drive (I'll tell you why this is instrumental today for our normal living). So yes, his mother and I have been raising a connected little boy!. He is a video gamer, a TV viewer, a nascent Youtuber (he is an amazing video editor) and an active social media boy. But he is also a Theater Dancer and Singer, a straight A student, a decorated swimmer, a self taught ukulele player and an avid book reader; did I mention he speaks 3 languages?
How can a little pre-teen boy, expat, and with divorced parents, who has enjoyed a lenient relationship with all ting media have been able to avoid school problems, disciplinary problems, attention disorder problems, social problems etc, etc, etc.? Here are my 5 clues on how this can come about:
Media, TV and video games are toxic: FALSE. The problem is that you have to put in the hours as a parent. If your kid is going to be exposed, you have to be able to filter, measure and most of all, “talk through” all the garbage with your kid. Connected technologies are the most powerful windows to culture, knowledge and yes entertainment. Of course they also are the highways of trash content and false information. What to do?. Give your kids the basic elements to discern what is right from wrong and what is false from true. Spend some time with them coming up with examples of trash content, offensive games, etc. And then give them the opportunity of discovering windows to joy and creativity. (The example of a Spelling Game is an understatement vs a candy crush like game).
The secret is controlling the time: FALSE. In fact when exposed to positive constructive content, who wants to limit the time?. Our School system has not evolved in the last 100 years. Are you really ready to blame a 10 year old who can’t stand a 45 minute lecture on Geometry or Biology??? Please!. Our brains are wired to be stimulated in a much more complex and robust way than our classrooms are able to. That’s exactly what current media and content does. E.G, Video games today are visual (4k), auditive (Surround Sound), and tactile (a vibrant control with 20 + buttons). Our brains get plugged in an almost perfect way. What we hear and learn there is 10 times more likely to become knowledge than a single teacher's voice with a chalk board behind him or his.
The secret is having good parental filters and controls: FALSE. Actual full control is impossible unless you are willing to treat your child like a hermit. The filters and parental controls are good, but believe me, nothing can stop a curious child. So, do use the parental controls, supervise your kids' use, keep his accounts associated with yours BUT: The only filters that will ever work are the ones your OWN KID is able to implement. If a kid is conscious of what he or he is doing, they might make mistakes, they might run across some offensive trash, but THEY WILL KNOW that that and is in fact offensive TRASH. Clear values transmitted by example are the only vaccine against poor child misconduct. Teach them to identify “crap” and explain why it is “crap”. Then they will avoid the turds by themselves then.
Is not for all, it depends on the Kid: FALSE. Sorry to bring it to you guys but IT DEPENDS ON THE PARENTS. All kids are different and they all will present different strengths, inclinations, talents and of course areas of improvement. BUT. There is not a single type of intelligence, talent or interest that can not be fostered with some sort of today's technology and content. The main problem here is US PARENTS. We are still thinking that a child should develop the same set of skills and abilities that we were told to develop. That “those” are and will be essential for social and eventually professional survival. Well, let me tell you something dear parenting colleagues: If your kid is 15 years old or younger, chances are that more than 75% of them will end up working in jobs that DO NOT EXIST TODAY!. Yes, that's right. The world is moving faster than our capacity to adapt to it. And here is a clue: If you encourage your kids to: 1. Seek what they really love, 2. Get involved with technologies (whichever they may be) to explore or enjoy those things they love and 3. Get PASSIONATE about it while they are doing it! You would probably be pointing them in the right direction. Many of the top Corporations of today are led by College dropouts. School is for workers and there is little to no formal education for entrepreneurs, and most of all: The only way to sustain HARD WORK without burning out is doing what you love. And today, you can find amazing ways to profit from almost everything that you love. (Learning to find what you love is not that hard; the problem is just that we have been taught NOT to seek and understand it).
Time spent on media and games It’s a waste of time: FALSE. It’s all about purpose!!. Most video games can be viewed and enjoyed as opportunities to create, collaborate, and succeed through hard work and ability development. That’s an invaluable lesson. Most new social media (aside from the self centered notion of ego-mania) can be amazing tools for Creativity and Self Expression!. A few months ago I realized this. I gave my son for his 11th birthday the aforementioned Nikon Camera (non a cheap one by the way). Why?, because he wanted to become a Youtuber. So I said cool, let’s do this: I will give you a camera, I will have space for you to store your content, I will share my computer with you to edit your videos BUT: If you do not do it, I mean really commit to it. If you don’t put the time and the effort, and understand that it’s not just a popularity game, I will take away all the support. What happened? Lesson 1, Responsibility: I made sure he understood what a camera is, the cost and the care it needs. Lesson 2, Accountability: By looking at examples of the work of his favorite Youtubers, I made sure he had to assume their Discipline. How many videos do they make, how many times a week? Otherwise he would just be an embarrassment and he would be wasting time. Lesson 3, Creativity: What does it take to be a Youtuber? Coming up with interesting content. You have to constantly be on the lookout for themes and subjects and then develop them into a video. Lesson 4, Craft: You want your videos to look amazing? You have to learn about photography, editing, lighting, composition, sound, FX, etc. etc. Lesson 5, Self Confidence: Do you want to be public? You have to overcome the fear of public exposure, you have to learn how to express yourself, you have to know that not everybody will like you and that’s not only ok, but other people's opinions do not define you, they can only help you both find your own voice and better ways to communicate.
So there, that has been my 12 year learning experience of raising a child in a connected world. I do not expect my son to become either a performer (youtuber), professional gamer, or anything even related to the media he has been exposed to. But I’m definitely more confident about his ability to use, understand and take advantage of the technology that surrounds him and will be ever present in his world for years to come. Technologies are just tools, media is just a window, content is just information. Our kids can still be the pilots of their lives and hopefully, we as parents, can understand how to empower them to fully ride all these underlying ways of building a relationship with the world and those on it.
I hope this has inspired you. Please leave comments or questions. I'll be more than glad to continue this conversation.
